“The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy.” Jim Rohn
Normally when we think of Loss, what is first likely to come to mind is the Loss of a Loved One. Most of us will experience the death of a grandparent(s), our parents, probably a sibling(s), and close friends. Some, too, will, unfortunately, have to go through the anguish of mourning the death of their child.
It is because we have loved so fiercely, that loss hurts so much. Interestingly, the loss of a loved one can feel just as great, the grief just as unbearable, whether we’ve idealized, vilified, or had mixed feelings of a more moderate nature toward that loved one.
The BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING that I offer can provide an opportunity for:
- Hope for the future
Perhaps you’d like to call (512) 339-1694, text, or email me.
Of a far more subtle nature than the actual loss of a loved one, however, are the losses that are part of the everyday fabric of our lives. These include the loss of:
- Dreams for a closer relationship with a loved one, a relationship in which we are truly seen, understood, and appreciated for who we really are
- Hope in the future that things will get better if we can just figure out how to “be”, how to “do it just right” or get our loved ones to “do it just right”
- Time spent holding out for, worrying, being sad or angry about something that’s probably not ever going to happen
- Love; fear of rejection or abandonment should we show up and say what we really think, how we truly feel; how hurt, angry, or proud we really are.
We spend a lot of time, sometimes a lifetime, in fact, trying to fend off the pain associated with these losses. It takes a great deal of energy and creativity to keep grief at bay. The following are just some of the infinite number of ways we “protect” ourselves from grieving these internal losses:
lack of confidence, overconfidence, fear of showing vulnerability, difficulty with trust, taking a “one-up” or “one-down” position, self-loathing, substance abuse, addiction, anxiety, depression, mood disturbance, anger management issues, abuse, illness, chronic pain, under-functioning, over-functioning/caretaking, passivity, aggression, and violence.
This “protection” however, can come at a great cost to us, to our relationships, our productivity, and our enjoyment and zest for life. How sad! Grieve and risk losing others, or “protect” yourself from grief and risk losing yourself; and then you end up losing others anyway. Not much of a choice!
The psychotherapy that I offer provides a potential solution to this dilemma. Much of the work that we do in therapy is a kind of Bereavement Counseling; recognizing what we are afraid to lose, compromises we’ve made along the way in order to avoid the pain of mourning our losses, courageously facing our losses, and then grieving the losses together.
By sharing your grief, going through the grieving process together, you can experience a renewed sense of and appreciation and compassion for yourself, your relationships, and your life.
For a more in-depth explanation of why grief work can be so difficult, how and why we try to avoid it, and how I can help you to move through the grief process, please refer to my ARTICLE on Grief and Loss.
Also, for additional information on books and organizations on the topic of grief and loss which may be helpful, please see the RESOURCES section.
If you’d like additional information, would like to discuss whether Bereavement Counseling might be helpful for you, or to set up an appointment to begin the bereavement process, please feel free to call (512) 339-1694, text, or email me. I look forward to hearing from you.